Before You Commit, Count the cost
Ever commit or agree to something in the moment, and then regret it later? We have all been there.
I have been thinking a lot lately about ways to simplify life. People I have worked with in the past, seem to want a simpler life, yet often don’t know how to achieve that simplicity. Life is already filled with volatility, change, uncertainty, complexity and ambiguity, and as humans we can often make life and things even more complicated than they already are, or need to be. One of the things I've been reflecting on recently is the true cost of the commitments we make, and inevitably later regret.
The more you simplify your life, the more time, energy, and effort you will have to dedicate to what truly matters. This focus will bolster your ability to become an impactful and purpose-driven leader.
If you want to simplify your life, then count the costs of “yes”. It’s easy to fall into the trap of overcommitting and later regretting it. We often say “yes” for various reasons, but without considering the full cost. This cost isn’t just monetary; it includes our time, energy, and effort. Occasionally it might mean making sacrifices on other projects you really love, or taking away time, attention and focus on things and people that are important to you. When we focus on something we’re not passionate about or when a small commitment balloons into something much larger, we pay a hidden price. This article offers 7 strategies to count and renegotiate the cost of yes, thereby simplifying your life.
The biggest piece of advice I could offer is for leaders to reflect on why they keep committing and agreeing to things that, in their heart of hearts, they know they will regret later. Once you isolate and identify the "why" behind that behavior, you are powerfully positioned to change it.
To simplify your life, consider these 7 strategies:
Count the full costs before saying yes.
Evaluate the potential impact on your time, timing, energy, resources and relationships before committing. Be intentional and weigh up the pros and cons of getting involved. Including whether or not you are the right person to start.
Stick to your commitment.
If a task expands beyond your initial expectations, be confident in holding firm to what you originally agreed to. People will always want more, and they will use many different ways to get more for less. Learn to recognize the strategies that people use to influence you. It's absolutely acceptable to push back and say, ‘this is what I agreed to’.
Renegotiate terms if things change.
If circumstances shift from what you initially agreed to, don’t hesitate to renegotiate the terms of your commitment. Part of that renegotiation might include your withdrawal from the project. No one wins when we feel forced to engage on terms we did not agree to.
Set appropriate boundaries.
Clearly define what you are and are not willing to do. Certainly this is better done upfront and proactively in the initial agreement/scoping phase, though if things change dramatically then it’s perfectly acceptable to set boundaries if and when they are needed. Remember that boundaries can be both fixed or flexible; and temporary or permanent. Choose what suits you and your situation best.
‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are both complete sentences
A one-time “yes” doesn’t mean “yes” to everything that follows. Be clear about the scope of your commitment. It’s ok to follow a ‘yes’ with a ‘no’ or ‘not now’. A ‘yes’ on one thing does not lock you into ‘yes’ for everything. Remember, you also do not need to justify your decisions to others. You can certainly explain and help them understand, but that is different to justifying them. Be confident in your decisions and drive from there.
Have courageous conversations.
Be willing to speak up and address any concerns or issues that arise, including when your client takes advantage of your good will. For example, if you have agreed to perform task A, and now they want task B, C and D for the same price- it is perfectly acceptable to talk about what that means and how those requests will require new negotiations (time, energy, effort, timelines etc.) Leaders often feel forced to simply perform and do what a client asks because they are worried they will lose the client. It’s best to address these relational issues proactively before engaging, but certainly also as the need arises. This will strengthen the relationship in the end. Even if you are fine with changes, it is important to highlight and punctuate and discuss those changes and the additional effort that it will take.
Know when and how to back out.
If the other party isn’t upholding their end of the agreement, it’s okay to walk away once you have had a courageous conversation and they aren’t willing to budge. It’s nice to reach a compromise, but sometimes it’s not possible.
If you are interested in learning how to do these effectively, please reach out. Remember, saying “no” or “not now” can be a powerful tool for simplifying your life and protecting your well-being.
Take a moment to reflect:
Why do you commit and agree to things, you know you will later regret?
Instead of regret, how might you renegotiate terms?
In what’s ways might you set appropriate boundaries?
What areas might need to be addressed?
What are the signs that it might be time stay or leave?
What influence strategies do you often feel vulnerable to?
Before committing, how might you determine the full and true scope and cost of ‘yes’?
At DrBrucePereira, LLC, we specialize in leadership development services that empower leaders to make a significant impact and lead fulfilling, purpose-driven lives. Our approach focuses on helping leaders identify and overcome behavioral and cognitive habits, and limiting beliefs that hinder progress, and replace them with powerful new habits, behaviors, and ways of thinking that will propel you to the next level.
If you're interested in exploring strategies to simplify your life and cultivate a purpose-driven approach, please don't hesitate to reach out. We would be happy to discuss how we can support you on your personal and professional journey.