Nurturing Relationships: Avoiding Relational Rupture Through Reflexive and Relationally Focused Feedback
In the realm of leadership, the importance of feedback cannot be overstated. However, it often becomes entangled in personal and political agendas, losing its true purpose. Many leaders perceive feedback as a mere formality, only prioritizing it during performance management season. Unfortunately, research reveals that feedback frequently harbors challenging relational dynamics, mistrust, and personal biases. Leaders often feel uneasy delivering constructive feedback and tend to gravitate towards offering praise instead. Consequently, recipients of feedback often disregard it as irrelevant, lacking meaning, or emanating from a negative or self-serving place.
At the heart of feedback lies the foundation of relationships. Feedback is a product of relationships in motion and should be built upon mutually agreed and respected psychological contracts. Trust-based relationships serve as the cornerstone of effective feedback. All parties involved must strive to nurture and maintain these relationships, along with the associated psychological contracts. Failure to do so can fracture trust and damage relationships.
As leaders, it is imperative that we engage in self-reflection to deliver balanced feedback, minimizing the potential for relational rupture. We must be mindful that our position or hierarchical authority grants us the power to provide feedback, but we should also be sensitive to how and what we offer as feedback. Leaders must acknowledge that their worldview is shaped solely by their experiences, while those they lead may possess different perspectives on how the world operates. Every individual approaches feedback with their own unique history, experiences, and diverse cultural, relational, and historical backgrounds.
Feedback conversations are never neutral; they are infused with inherent biases, power imbalances, assumptions, emotions, and anxieties. As leaders, we serve as stewards, guiding, supporting, and developing those under our charge. Our primary focus should always be preserving relationships at all costs. If a leader ruptures a relationship through poor feedback or the manner in which it is delivered, they must take accountability. It is the leader's responsibility to minimize the risk of damaging relationships and to make amends when necessary.
An essential skill for leaders to master when providing feedback is active listening. Feedback should foster meaningful conversations with the recipient.
All feedback should encompass the following elements:
Invitation for self-discovery: Feedback should enable individuals to learn about themselves and how their actions impact others and the surrounding context.
Facilitation of reflection: Feedback should invite and facilitate reflection, encouraging individuals to contemplate their behavior and its consequences.
Relational reflexivity: Feedback should afford the opportunity for mutual understanding and empathy in the present moment.
Growth and development insights: Feedback should offer insights and opportunities for personal and professional growth over time.
Preservation of self-esteem and agency: Feedback should maintain the recipient's self-esteem and sense of control, allowing them to save face.
Feedback conversations with your team members are ultimately meaningful conversations wherein you discuss growth opportunities, highlight their strengths, and provide helpful insights for self-reflection. As leaders, we should possess high emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and the ability to engage in meaningful, sometimes uncomfortable, discussions.
Here are some fundamental principles to guide feedback:
Relevance: Feedback must be meaningful to the recipient, focusing on their individual needs and growth.
Psychological safety and benevolence: Feedback should be rooted in psychological safety and genuine concern for the recipient's well-being.
Avoid personal agendas: Feedback should never be based on unfounded opinions or personal biases.
Clear expectations: Effective feedback builds upon previously set expectations.
Continuity: Feedback is most valuable when it is an ongoing and continuous process, rather than a one-off conversation.
Two-way communication: Feedback should always be a two-way exchange, fostering dialogue and understanding.
Broad scope: Feedback should be provided to all colleagues, regardless of their position. Lateral and upward feedback is equally important.
Balanced perspective: Feedback should offer insights into both strengths and areas for improvement.
Validity and subjectivity: Not all feedback is valid or equal. It is acceptable for recipients to reject feedback that is unjustified or overly subjective.
Cultural reflection: Feedback quality and value reflect the organizational culture.
Non-punitive approach: Feedback should never be punitive, but rather aimed at growth and development.
Non-compliance and submission: Feedback should not be about enforcing compliance or submission.
Evidence-based: Feedback should be supported by concrete data, evidence, or relevant examples.
Avoid surprises: Blindsiding recipients with feedback reflects poorly on the leader's approach.
Embrace diversity: Feedback should account for individual differences and cultural diversity.
Delivery matters: Feedback should be an invitation for reflection, not an imposition. Leaders should consider how they would like to receive feedback themselves and apply the same approach to others.
Reflection for both parties: Those providing feedback must reflect on the best way to deliver it, while recipients should consider which aspects are valid and what they can let go of.
In conclusion, feedback boils down to engaging in genuinely meaningful conversations with individuals. We should strive to provide valuable insights backed by data, facilitate a reflective learning process, and preserve relationships. As leaders, it is our duty to repair relationships if we inadvertently damage them through feedback missteps.
Are you struggling with delivering balanced and constructive feedback? Do difficult conversations make you uncomfortable? We're here to help! Reach out to us for support in building your skills and confidence in providing effective feedback and engaging in meaningful, and impactful conversations. Together, we can empower you to become a more effective leader